One thing about me is
that I hate chasing after people who owe me money or borrowed anything of mine.
I mean I really really REALLY hate it. For one, it's an exercise in futility
for the most part. It has been my experience that people who don't want to pay
up or return my stuff are surprisingly good at hiding. Calls and texts go
unanswered. A visit to their house reveals they never lived there or did but
moved out. Online stalking can only yield so much information. Being a
guerrilla or an illegal immigrant could be great alternative career options for
these people.
Secondly, the
emotional toll that it takes on me is high. I feel so degraded, chasing someone
for something that is mine. I guess this must be how a wife who loves her
husband feels like when said husband has an affair. At the same time, I am
filled with indignation; what is mine is mine, and should be mine. In the
background, like pesky static, is guilt. Guilt that I am thinking ill of the
debtor when he/she could have a legitimate reason for keeping what's mine.
Maybe a relative fell ill. Maybe it's for someone's education. Or to pay off
another debt. See? So many feelings.
Lastly, I believe in
the power of karma. Yes, I'm born Catholic, but I still believe that what goes
around, comes around. It may not be now, but sooner or later, I believe And I
still believe that these are only material things; I will earn them back. It's
not so with the debtor, though. It always turns out to be a very expensive
lesson, but I'd rather that the debtor is not in my life anymore than let
him/her stay and screw me over.
So where does that
leave me? Well, obviously unpaid and unsatisfied, but at the same time with a
clean conscience and one less negative person in my life. All in all, not a bad
outcome.
